There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize