Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
