hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
