The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
