Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
