I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
