I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
