I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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