She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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