And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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