White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
