I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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