Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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