I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
