We're facebook friends in real life
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
