I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
