So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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