I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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