So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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