im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
