And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
