When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
