And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
