a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
