Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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