you will always have a special place in my vag
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize