when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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