So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
