My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
