I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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