dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
