Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will pee on everything he values.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize