The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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