Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize
