So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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