How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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