Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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