he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
