Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
