his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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