You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
