I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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