So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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