Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
