She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
