If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
