i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
