Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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