I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
