dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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