i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize