i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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