I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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