U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
