its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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