he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize