Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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