I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize