He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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