i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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