and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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