I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
