Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
