Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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