Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This is my gift to your gina
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
