he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
