So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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