She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
