Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need a burrito and a hug.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
