I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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