Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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