Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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