How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
