i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
