READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
