U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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