I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize