I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
