glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
