3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize