I cockslap morals
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
