At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You took a bar mat shot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
