toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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