Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
