jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
