haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
