yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
